So I just went through another roller coaster. I don’t know why I didn’t take the signs as they are; the red flags as they are; my gut feel as it is. I poured myself out for another man I met online.
Remember what I’ve been saying about getting flowers from a guy would really mean something special for me? I waited for that, and it never happened.
These past months, I tried to open myself up to a few potentials. I wasn’t my usual, snobby self who’d automatically ignore guys. I have this thing where all guys I meet are douchebags, until they prove themselves otherwise. I did that with one particular guy. But he proved to be one good with words. Although a few days after telling me that he wants something serious, I found him back on that online dating site again, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
It was so well and good. He made me feel loved and important, although he’d disappear for a whole day to work, he says. When I asked him why he doesn’t have any social media accounts, he said he didn’t want one. And I truly believed that someone would actually want that. He would always give me a hard time when I asked for photos just so, you know, I know that he’s a real person. He would turn things around on me and blame me for having trust issues.
I did try to enjoy everything with him. I enjoyed having someone to say good morning to, someone to tell about my day, and someone to rant about my day to. But at the back of my head, I knew there was something he was hiding. Who knows, he might not be the NYU-masters-holding man that he claims to be. He might not be telling me his real name. He might not be working where he claims to be.
But it’s something worse than that. He’s married. He conveniently left out two years of his life just to fool around with me. I was again, willing to give it another chance, but I realized that he wasn’t saying, “married”; he’s still married. He has a kid. So here I am, loving the fact that I finally met a guy who is as career-oriented as me, when in fact he’s a two-timing douchebag. Another one to add to the list.
I have no words. I just feel like maybe I won’t be putting myself out there anymore. Like I said, I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship yet, but I went in head-first with this one thinking that hey, I’ll never be truly prepared. But it turns out I got it all wrong again. I never do know better.