Okay so listen up, I know I haven’t posted in a long time. I’ve kept my thoughts confined in my notes app…or sometimes I let it slide off my mind because I have been dedicating my brain to the pursuit of a legal career. 

So anyway, I am a self proclaimed tita. And I’m proud of it. Since my last few posts, I have been through a lot of relationships. I have been with the ultimate boyfriend material who treated me like a princess; I’ve been ghosted by countless tinder dudes; been through awkward one night stands, you name it. I am at this point in my life where a good night’s sleep, pajamas, and the comfort of my own bed are far more precious than another drunk night at the bar. Been there, done that–for lack of a better, more profound way of putting it. 

I dedicated the last year of my life to learning about  myself. I went on a few date nights by myself and got comfortable with my own company. Then again I am an introvert. But since I left the partying scene, I have appreciated that side of me more.

This is where I get to my point. I am done dealing with boys in grown men’s clothing. Of boys who compartmentalize adulting to success in career, or to being an amazing boyfriend. I am now, and am proud to say it, looking for a man who not only is successful with his career, but can treat a woman right. Let’s just say that with the cocktail of men that I’ve encountered in the past year, I still remain hopeful that there is at least one man who has a little bit of every good thing a woman can hope for. I guess part of the reason I’m writing this now is because I’ve found that this guy who’s courting me does not have the EQ of a gentleman. 

I can’t show him the other side of a woman. That which feels, that which hurts. He’s successful, all well and good, but he does not seem to understand that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies in this world of serious relationships. All this time I thought that when you’re in the courting stage, you put your best foot forward. You try to impress. Until impressing becomes second nature, that ou let go of your bachelor world to slowly transition into this other side where a man shows that there is only one woman he has eyes on. I guess not.

It’s alright to post pictures of people you meet at work, but it’s an entirely different story to post pictures of bikini-clad women and models to get likes…to get the approval of your followers. It takes a man to be sensitive enough about the woman whose heart he’s trying to win over again. But no matter how much I rationalize his actions, I just can’t seem to shake off the insecurity that seems to have reared its ugly head in the wake of all those insensitive posts. When you’re a man who’s trying to win a girl over, you give up that side of you that wants to be in the company of other, more physically attractive women. You make one woman, just one, feel like you only have eyes for her. And ladies, if a guy makes you feel unimportant and insecure in any way, it’s time to run as fast as you can out of that picture. 

So okay, what if it’s unavoidable? If it’s part of work? All well and good. Part of a day’s hustle. But when you become so self-absorbed with likes and keeping your followers updated with who you’re with and what you’re up to, that’s not work anymore. You’ve come down to your private life. And in that blurred line between promoting your professional life and keeping your private life, well, private, the one you want to develop, you hurt someone. Again. I’m not asking a man to devote 24/7 of his life to pleasing me and making me feel better. I’m not looking for a man who becomes so self-absorbed with social media fame so much that setting aside a loved one just so his followers are updated with all the fun, bachelor-y things he’s currently doing becomes second nature. 

I am looking for a man whose actions scream out his sincerity. Character is not a “no issue.” If a woman tells you what she doesn’t like about you, or that you’ve made her feel insecure and insignificant, you listen. Any gentleman would come assuring her with more than just a “sorry na” to let her know that she’s loved. That her feelings mean more than public image. And he will definitely not shake her episode off as just another “kaartehan”. If it gets tiring, then so can rationalizing a boy’s actions. So can waiting for a reply when you’re worried. So can stretching out a thinning patience.

I am not asking for a man whose life revolves around me. On the contrary, I find it repulsive. I want to be half of a power couple. Like I said, being through so many relationships and being ghosted so often has put things in perspective. I’m busy with my own growth and goals too. But I know, I just know, that love and career can coexist. One that can go for hours, days, or even weeks without seeing each other because there’s so much room for self-improvement. But hell, if you have time to post what you’re up to on social media, you definitely have time to say hello. Show that at the end of the day, it’s not social media you’re dying to update–but the person who matters to you the most.