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I miss college. I miss the mature crowd that surrounded me. I miss being independent, taking care of my own meals, calling up my laundry dude (regardless if I have to crawl to the door because of a hangover), and walking along Katipunan or Ateneo like my soul depended on it.

I miss cheerdancing. It was the best decision that I didn’t make. I really didn’t mean to join. I just stumbled on the mats. And although half the time I was regretting it because I didn’t have time for almost everything else, I loved how it put things into perspective. Although my usual reply to anyone who invited me to dinner or to hangout was, “Sorry, I can’t, I have training.”

It’s better than depositing my liver to hell, right? Heck I wasn’t even allowed to drink, smoke, eat rice, and so much more. But it made me better. It made me stronger and more independent.

I particularly miss being able to go out with my friends whenever I wanted to. Well, after I quit the team. It was nice to be there when someone wanted to celebrate or needed a pair of ears. And I frequented bookshops and coffee shops so much that I knew my favorite Barista’s schedule. National Bookstore at Katipunan was my go-to place when I needed to splurge on post-its and markers. Fully Booked, when it finally opened, was my go-to place to check out titles to buy for my Kindle.

Eastwood was my place for seclusion. I would hail a cab at ten in the morning to go to Coffee Bean and read a book. And when the shops finally opened, I would stroll around and buy stuff at JellyBean, VNC, or Haze. Then I’d go back to the dorm or, in my last one and a half year in college, the condo, feeling refreshed and ready to face another day at school.

The ideas that surrounded me were refreshing as well. Ateneo opened my eyes to a plethora of ideas. Sure, before I considered drinking and smoking as Satanic hobbies, but when I stepped into college there no longer was white or black. There were merely grays, open eyes, and people who didn’t care if I came from the South or from another world entirely. Everyone was continuously arguing, accepting ideas as it came, and modifying everyone’s way of thinking.

“Legitimize,” “constructivism,” “quoi de neuf?”, and “liberation,” among others, were words that I used in everyday speech. Taking the conyo aside, there were so many languages and ways to say “hi” that it was impossible not to overthink a simple “what’s up”.

Now, in law school, everything’s just…blah. I’d have to think in a certain way to pass a subject. Diversity is no longer a welcome coat. Everyone needs to read the same books, interpret the codal according to accepted statutory construction rules, and write in a certain template. Before college that would have sounded like heaven. But Ateneo changed that. I’m yearning for a diversified yet organized mess. I can’t put my thoughts into words in a way I would have wanted to.

But I hope you get what I mean.

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