I did not write this, but it’s beautiful and touching. Hope someone out there takes the time out to read it. Because I did.
These past weeks have been a roller-coaster ride for me. Well, I had fun most of the time.
We became okay again after months without communication and everything. It’s been pretty hell during those months, maybe because we separated without that very clear explanation, which forced me to be in paranoia every single day. It bothered me too much.
But I guess destiny made us meet again. We became good friends again, just like summer of 2007, that sweetest summer of all time, that summer when I learned and felt how to love and be loved in return.
But as I have said, it’s been a roller coaster ride. I needed someone to guide me, so that I could follow some things to be able to survive that ride.
I’ve been seeing a friend these past days. He has been my coach in suggesting what I could do next. It’s been fun. It was the moment when I reminisced all moments of us together.
Our first date.
Our fun moments at Starbucks.
Our 8th Monthsary for you but 9th for me.
Our scratching moments during our boredom at our grad. Ball.
It was fun to look back. And every single time I stop when you enter my mind, I reminisce new moments of us together. I’ve been writing letters (literally) to you, I was supposed to send it to your dorm every 2 days. Those were supposedly 15 letters, representing our 15 months together. But I hesitated to send it all, because I don’t want to interfere with your happiness with your love.
Sure, one fact is existing RIGHT NOW. You love someone else, and you are happy with him, RIGHT NOW. When I said that I was happy for your happiness, of course I didn’t mean that, I’m not too much of a fool to confirm you that was sincere. You know why? Because there is also one fact that has never vanished in my heart and my mind. I STILL LOVE YOU, and you love someone else. And as the cliché story goes, if I truly love you,. I must let you be happy. I must not interfere with your happiness.
I am writing this letter not to say goodbye forever. I am just writing this out of my respect with the current happiness you are experiencing right now with your boyfriend. And because I respect your relationship, it would be my very sole responsibility to stop everything that I have been doing, like my endless texts with an agendum to, in a way, win you back, etc. I just realized that it’s wrong, And also as I have always been telling you, what I am doing is just making a fool out of myself. I am trying to let a woman love me again, sounds stupid right? HAHA And plus the fact that you are deeply happy with someone else.
So, for now, I think it would be best to stop this roller coaster ride. I must get out of this ride and be free once again from the cycle. Because it has been hurting me a lot. Some people kept on asking me, I always smile but sometimes my eyes contradict with it, well I guess my continuous hurting is the primary answer for that.
As I have said before, my only way to move on with my life is to cut all connections again. It pains me more to do this,.but I guess this is only the way.
I AM SORRY FOR ALWAYS HURTING YOU, FOR MAKING YOU CRY, AND FOR CARVING SOME PAIN IN YOUR HEART. I was not prepared when we became together. I didn’t know what to do, well at least I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LOVING ME STILL EVEN IF YOU SAW THE WORST PART OF ME.
If the time comes, you decide what to do.
Goodbye for now my LOVE. My Immortal.